Random Thought

i've been escape for a long time, and i need a home. i dont need anyone else, i dont need another kind of fckn business anymore, cs all i need is; you i've been too long to running & explore, to find my ownself, to find existences, and it's enough. all i need is just to take a rest, in my one & only sweetest home i dont need anyone else, cs i already got everything, when im with you. i know it still hard for you to heal, but i'll stay, i'll wait, til you realize, that i'm the only one who will be there for you, who always listen to all of your stories so, would you fight, stay, and be my last home, honey?

Do you know what the most romantic thing is? Keep and pray for each other in a silence. - I don’t know what kind of relation is this, but i’m very grateful. Im very grateful for everything that i have right now. Altho I don’t know who am i for him, but all i know is; i’m happy, and im glad to have him, as a friend. - Perhaps the most approriate word that i feel right now is; enough. Know he is fine is enough, Do a deep talk with him is enough, Have a great time to talk with him is enough, Argue and yell each other is also enough. No romantic things, no chat everytime, but i feel enough and blessed. Bcs i know no matter how hard the situation is, no matter how desperate is he, he already know what should he do. He already know the place he can calm his mind. And it makes me relieved. At least i know he already pray for the best. So, no matter how's our ending, i know that’s the best plan from God to us. If we are meant to be, there’ll be t...

terlalu terang menjadi hitam,  terlalu gelap menjadi putih terlalu menyayat untuk dipertahankan,  terlalu menyenangkan untuk ditinggalkan abu-abu, kamu tau? Yes. i don't even know who am i for you, how do you feel, what do you think about me, cause all i know is; you are fine.. (without try to understand what i really feel) are we just friend? are we in a process of getting close? or, am i just your medicine in your darkness? will i be forgotten, if you already heal? idk. this is too risky, i know.  but i still let you to come in. i open a chance for myself to getting hurt  -altho i hope it wont. well, you are too good to be true and maybe im just dreaming right now im dreaming if you'll fall in love no one knows or, should i give up?

hey, how many times you already said to yourself,  "You don't deserve it. You deserve something better. Don't cry for something unimportant." or, "Just let everything happened. There must be a rainbow after this pain. You just need to forget everything, as usual." also,  "Don't sad. It just waste your time. You deserve to be happy. Look at the outside, the other happiness is waiting for you, dude." Well, It's good to keep thinking positive, i know. It's good to think that everything will be okay. But then, there must be a day while you think, "shit. im tired to do this fckn thing. where is my rainbow? why it feels so nauseating and has no ending?"  There must be a day while you are exhausted pretending like you are strong enough to face everything by yourself, while the fact is no. and that's really not insane. It's okay, to be not okay. We are human. Sometimes, all you need is just t...

Well, terlalu banyak berita kesedihan yang aku terima hari ini. Kesedihan yang mungkin menurut orang lain adalah kabar baik, but not for me. Cs everything just reminded me how happy and how hurt i was a few year ago, when everything still very-very fine and dramatically change in one day. Hahahah maaf ya lagi menye banget. apalagi ditemenin sama lagu-lagu mas pamungkas, hadeu. bercampurlah seluruh kerandoman hari ini. gapapa deh. mungkin Allah lagi rindu dengerin curhatan gadis kecilnya ini. Namanya hidup, lagi-lagi, satu hal yang seringkali luput adalah; jangan pernah berharap sama manusia. Iya paham, pasti akan sangat challenging. Tapi kalo nggak siap untuk dikecewakan dengan ekspektasi, ya jangan berharap. Sesimpel itu sebenernya. Cuma realitanya emang simple isn't easy, right? Hmm.  *take a deep breath* Gapapa, gapapa. Larutin aja kesedihannya hari ini, tapi besok harus bangkit lagi ya? Semangat! That's life. Apapun yang terjadi, we must prepare for the...

It isn't too late to say hello to our new year, right? So, Hi. Maaf, baru sempat. Sekembalinya dari rumah Allah, sangat berat rasanya bagi raga dan otak untuk dipaksa langsung kembali ke realita; mengejar ketertinggalan ujian dan mata kuliah tanpa jeda baginya untuk beristirahat sejenak. Sangat letih memang rasanya. Jangankah membuka buku, bangkit dari kasur saja rasanya sulit sekali. Memerlukan niat yang sangat besar untuk memfokuskan diri benar-benar belajar dan memahami isi buku. Namun itu resiko, bukan? -- Bisa berkunjung ke Mecca dan Madina di penghujung hingga awal tahun merupakan hal yang sangat luar biasa bagiku. Banyak sekali hal baru yang dapat aku ambil, dan rasa-rasanya, masih banyak sekali kekurangan dan kesalahan yang seringkali aku perbuat dengan sadarnya dan tanpa rasa bersalah sedikitpun. Kala itu, pukul 16.30 di Masjidil Haram, Ust. Syatori menjelaskan perihal dosa yang kita perbuat dengan mengibaratkan kucing yang mencuri ikan di dapur. Tentu ketika men...

Selamat malam, Yogyakarta. Nggak kerasa, ternyata lagi-lagi kita sudah berada di penghujung taun aja, ya? Apa kabar resolusi diri yang 'katanya' harus diraih taun ini?  Berapa banyak kata 'nanti' yang telah kau tanamkan di dalam diri hingga akhirnya kata 'nanti' itu masih tetap sekedar menjadi nanti yang belum terealisasikan? Gapapa, it's okay, dude. Mungkin, masih banyak resolusi yang belum bisa teraih di taun ini. Karena tidak selamanya hidup akan berjalan sesuai dengan keinginanmu, bukan? Dan, memang life is hard & it's about how you solve the problem and survive when everything isn't alright. But you know, this life isn't just about target and how much you reach it.  Hidup ini bukan melulu tentang kerja-kerja-kerja. Sometimes, you just need to take a rest, and ask to yourself, "Apasih yang selama ini dikejar? Untuk apa?" Jangan-jangan, kesibukan yang selama ini kau lakukan hanyalah pelarian semata. Jujur, untuk bis...