from me, to me, and (might) you.

hey,

how many times you already said to yourself, 

"You don't deserve it. You deserve something better. Don't cry for something unimportant."

or,

"Just let everything happened. There must be a rainbow after this pain. You just need to forget everything, as usual."

also, 

"Don't sad. It just waste your time. You deserve to be happy. Look at the outside, the other happiness is waiting for you, dude."

Well, It's good to keep thinking positive, i know. It's good to think that everything will be okay. But then, there must be a day while you think, "shit. im tired to do this fckn thing. where is my rainbow? why it feels so nauseating and has no ending?" 

There must be a day while you are exhausted pretending like you are strong enough to face everything by yourself, while the fact is no. and that's really not insane.

It's okay, to be not okay. We are human. Sometimes, all you need is just take a rest. Take your own time to be sad. to feel unwell. to feelin blue. and shed it. shed all of your sadness and pour your tears. It's okay, it's really normal. But one thing you must remember, you need to wake up. This world is waiting for you. You still have a lot of happiness that can't be missed. Yes. You still have it. Or maybe you just dont realize it yet. 

I understand,  life might seems so unfair for you and it's hard to accept it all, isn't? I know, there might be a lot of questions on your mind, thinking why should be me? why should it happens again and again like i dont deserve to be happy? 

one day, i had thought that it's okay, maybe i might just unlucky. i'd wait for my rainbow. til when another chance comes, unfortunately it happened again and all i can do is just say to myself again and again; it's okay, it's okay. maybe not now. let's fight one more time. but then, it repeated again, again, and again til finally i think, "oh, ok. it's enough. i'm done." 

well, i know it might be hard, but sometimes alone is the best way to find your own happiness. have your own time, heal your soul, and find your own happiness. alone doesn't mean lonely, you know? alone is better than being with someone who can't respect yourself. love yourself first. thanks to yourself for being so strong til this time. for surviving in every condition. cs you are great just the way you are. and you deserve to get happiness. 

Appreciate yourself first so everyone will. It's not easy i know, but you must, and i know you can. Happiness comes from you, not from the others. You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can change the sail's direction of the ship, where should it dock and stop. Only you who can choose what kind of life you will have in the future. so, cheers! Wish everything will get better, soon.