Random Thought

Semenjak adanya kata 'bucin', kata romantis semakin dilupakan. Hal indah menjadi seolah-olah hina karena sebutan itu. Budak cinta, katanya. Padahal, bisa saja mereka-yang menyebut seseorang bucin- hanya iri dengan mereka yang dapat mengekspresikan rasa cintanya kepada yang terkasih, menghabiskan waktu bersama untuk bercanda, dan berbahagia seolah dunia hanya milik berdua.  Mereka yang menyebut bucin, bisa jadi mereka hanya tidak rela karena kawan yang biasa menghabiskan waktu bersama mereka kini telah berubah tidak lagi menghabiskan waktunya bersama mereka karena telah memiliki kekasih baru. Dan mereka, yang menyebut kami bucin, bisa jadi dari hati terdalamnya, sebenarnya mereka juga ingin memiliki kekasih yang bisa mengisi kekosongan dan kehampaan hati selama ini. Naif, kalau mereka bilang tidak butuh. Mungkin belum, bukan tidak. Perihal menjadi budak cinta, setiap orang memiliki prioritas dan cara mengekpresikan kebahagiaannya masing-masing. Tidak perlu dirib...

Period selalu membuat saya bersedih tanpa sebab yang jelas. Seringkali saya merasa begitu banyak hal yang sebenarnya ingin saya bagi. Tapi lagi-lagi, saya merasa tidak akan ada yang peduli dan mendengarkan. Sudah lama rasanya saya berbagi cerita, berkeluh kesah dengan seseorang yang memang benar-benar peduli dan mau meminjamkan kedua telinganya bahkan pundaknya untuk sama-sama berbagi dan tertawa bersama dalam jangka waktu yang lama. Akhir-akhir ini, seringkali rasa insecure saya muncul dan membuat saya menyalahkan diri saya sendiri. Kegagalan tentu penyebabnya. Mulai dari ditinggalkan tanpa kejelasan, dibohongi, dihianati, diduakan, saya pernah merasakan semuanya. Dan, begitu banyak pertanyaan tak terjawab yang selalu menggantung di otak saya, memenuhi pikiran saya dan membuat saya merasa bukanlah apa-apa dan jauh dari kata sempurna. Seringkali saya berfikir, apa salah saya? Dosa apa yang pernah saya buat hingga saya mengalami kegagalan yang tidak henti-hentinya? Rasa-rasanya, sa...

This is 17th of August, 2019. My alarm rang at 8.00 am. Today, i must go to campus to do a duty - maklum, budak proker. I woke up, took a bath, wore my clothes, and i looked myself in the mirror. This day, i dare myself to not use makeup. So, i decide to only use sunblock, a little powder, and nude lipstick as a balm. I wore my hijab, and i looked my self in the mirror again, then i smile. Surprisingly, i even feel very confident. And i said to myself, 'hey, you even pretty without your make up, baby.' Your beauty shine not from your bold makeup now. You are beauty because who you are. I love my self. And i fallin in love with myself more and more.

Akhir-akhir ini, lagi banyak banget orang yang ngomongin perihal, "Perempuan yang berskincare, emang mau diajak hidup susah?" Pada dasarnya, secara realistis, siapa sih yang mau hidup susah? Apalagi ketika memang sudah terbiasa untuk hidup berkecukupan dan orang tua pun memberi fasilitas yang sangat layak. Awalnya, saya selalu berfikiran, 'no, im not picky. Semua pria bisa saja dekat dengan saya selama memang dia serius dan pria baik-baik.' But time flies, and everything has changed. Dunia perkuliahan jauh berbeda dengan kehidupan sebelumnya bagi saya. Kenyataannya, saya tidak lagi bisa menerapkan prinsip itu dalam dunia perbucinanku. Why? bcs im feelin higher so i've standard yang mana menjadikan saya merasa lebih dari yang lain dan menjadikan saya sangat pemilih.  One day, my friend said to me about her principle to choose a man yang mana pada intinya adalah dengan melihat kendaraan terlebih dahulu. Lalu muncul pendapat-pendapat semacam 'kita ng...

Time flies, and i'm still mine. Maybe it's my fault, to be easy to be attached with someone It's my fault; to be easy to give my heart, And at last, it just broke my heart again and again. Loyalty and commitment feels very bullshit on me Promises are just promises that haven't means anymore I often thingking, what's wrong with myself? why people being so wicked? aren't they have heart? so, why? why are they lie and leave without permission? I kept thingking about that in my late night But i never got the answer Because maybe, the problem is not on me. It's them. And thing that i learned is; "Just because someone leave you or even doesn't want you, doesn't mean that you're not worth it and good enough. Because sometimes, the problem is on them; not you." "You're just not found the right person yet now. But always believe, there will always be a rainbow behind a pain. Make your fail...

Hi again! Blogger is still and always be a best place for me to tell about everything that i feel & i think about. I write this in the middle of my holiday when i do my paper but i can't focus because.... hey, i'm bored, and i need something for relaxation & being chill because it's so boring to stay at home all day, or maybe, i just need a friend to tell about. Sometimes, i just dont understand with myself. Why it feels so hard to accept someone to myself and being comfort with him when he already accept all of my imperfections. I'm so done to find anymore, tbh. I'm so tired to start everything from zero. But again and again, when i try to start again, everything failed at last. Or maybe i am the one that will leave him. Everything feels so grey for me. It's a bullshit that i don't need someone as a place to tell about. Yash, i need. I need someone to talk about everything randomly. I need to go out, traveling, and get lost together to ...

Have u thanks to yourself today? Thanks to always be the strongest one when everybody just underestimate you Thanks to keep being nice to everyone when everything feels nauseated Thanks for everything that you have done for this time And thanks for fighting to survive even when you don't want to One thing that you must realize is; You did good, babe. It's okay that people might insult you Not everyone will agree and like you That's life, right? But you know what's the best for you And everything that you have decide, you know better than them -the benefit & the risk- Just let it Stop hurting yourself by thingking what others think about you As i said before, All you did was good enough You are who you are, not like what other people said And you deserve better You deserve better all the good things, And dont for a second think you're not worth it I'm proud of you And always Best Regards, Nanda